as a Jew from an orthodox “village living parents” in the Ukraine, my grandmother who lost her husband in the old country, remarried a wonderful “saint” of a person, way above her own Jewishness, who became my Hebrew teacher even though, although being “pious” knew very little about the “religion itself” other than the “liberation of the Jews during Moses’ time –
He could read Hebrew but could “not” translate the Hebrew” thus my Hebrew training was very limited –
I had a wonderful soprano voice that enabled him to teach me how to sing all the “chapters” of the Old Testament. He was an accomplished HAZAN/ singer also.
So most of my time was “singing” –
why am I recounting this? there must be a reason of course!
I am recounting this because what knowledge, that I gleaned as a youth up to the age of thirteen; my beloved grandfather died when I was Bar Mitzvahed, broke my heart and never got over it!
HE WAS THE ONLY PARENT THAT KNEW I WAS ALIVE – my father was hardly seen since he worked all the time – my mother only knew how to “boss”, that was her mode of operanti ! love, what was that?
My grandfather EXUDED LOVE, and I FELT IT!
Every day and on Shabbas/Saturday I was in ‘SHUL with my grandfather praying together –
he was my “only link to “humanity”; when he died, I died figuratively and literally since LOVE NO LONGER EXISTED!
at this time in my life I am still “questioning of course” – I did fantastic questioning after my grandfather died; went deep into the deepest recesses of “my mind asking question, that needed answers.
During that period of time, these highly powered sessions dealing exclusively with “what is this world and life all about” Keep in mind I was “only thirteen years old and these sessions were continually asked until I left high school at the age of seventeen!
psychologists, psychiatrist would say I was deeply depressed – of course I was depressed, but at the same time I was heavily “involved” with my UNconscious and SUB concious minds –
at the age of sixteen I JOINED THE MYSTICAL SOCIETY CALLED THE ROSICRUCIANS – looking for “answers” stopped joining when I discovered that noone I knew, GAVE A DAMN!
so I had to be “content” with EGOS; who controlled the lives of everyone disguised of course as PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, professionalism, the place to go to when you are a searcher, depressed because NO ONE EXCEPT YOU CARES!
Cares about what? “what this world is all about other than “eating great food i.e. pizzas, hamburg etc., watching great “movies” – having a girlfriend, boyfriend, being on the football team, etc. etc. etc.
WHY IN ALL HELL WOULD A LITTLE KID, A TEENAGER BE INVOLVED WITH STUFF THAT HE/SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO GET INVOLVED WITH!
who said that? the EGOTISTS OUT THERE.
So where do the EGOTISTS GO TO WHEN THEY ARE HAVING PHYSICAL,MENTAL EMOTIONAL UPHEAVALS IN THEIR LIVES?
THEY certainly dont go to the SOURCE, THE ALMIGHTY SINCE PURE EGOTISTS BEING SECULAR, AGNOSTICS, AND ATHEISTS,
dont believe in something OUTSIDE OF THEIR BELIEF SYSTEM WHICH OF COURSE IS TIME/BASED AND RESTRICTED ONLY TO
OUR TIME BASED REALITY,
THEY GO TO THEIR MEDICAL DOCTOR, THEIR PSYCHIATRIST, THEIR PSYCHOLOGISTS, AND EVENTUALLY SINCE NON OF THE ABOVE ARE FALSE PROPHETS END UP POPPING ANTI DEPRESSION PILLS LIKE THEY WERE CANDIES!
Proving WITHOUT A DOUBT that they are FIRST CLASS PHONIES!
of course I was bi-polar and what is it being bi-polar, BI means two, polar implies “front or back” going in two directions at the “same time”
I was living in two worlds since I was never an ego, if I was I would NOT be BiPolar; I would without question, accept my “FATE” which all egos do whether they realize it or not!
and what is an ego’s faith? An Egos faith is exactly what EVERY DICTATOR’S AIM IS, – have all of their “suckers” BOW DOWN TO THEM, with HEIL HITLER!
all I had to do to eliminate my “problem, bi polarizm” was simply to “tell myself” that this time/space world is the TRUE WORLD, that HIGHER WORLDS do NOT exist, and apparently MY SOUL REFUSED TO DO THAT, so I was CONDEMNED to live in a world loaded with MISFITS CALLED EGO’S, – also married a misfit, a highly charged women, who proved without a doubt, WHAT AN EGO IS ALL ABOUT! which of course is par for the course, WHAT TREACHERY IS ALL ABOUT, the other world of course that fits that bill also is the word HYPOCRISY!
so up to the age from the age of only four yrs old, I prayed every day with my “beloved grandfather” up to the age when he did, thirteen yrs old.
HOW WOULD ANYONE COMPARE MY LIFE TO OTHERS WHOSE BACKGROUND WAS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE, THEY BEING EGOS OF COURSE, I NOT BEING AN EGO?
I believing “without a doubt” that there IS A FORCE IN OUR UNIVERSE, NOT ONLY IN OUR PLANET BUT IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE THAT ‘RUNS THE SHOW, RUNS OUR LIVES AND THE WHOLE WORKS, by doing so, and believing so, I DID NOT GIVE MY EGO ANY CHANCE OF DENYING THE EXISTENCE OF THIS MYSTERIOUS FORCE!
IN CONTRAST TO THE SECULARISTS, AGNOSTICS, AND OF THE COURSE THE ADAMANT ATHEISTS!
WHOSE EGOS DIS-ALLOW THEM TO EVEN “ATTEMPT” TO ATTEMPT TO INVESTIGATE, THE INQUIRY OF ” WHAT’S THIS REALLY ALL ABOUT”,
EVEN THE POSSIBILITY, IS NOT THERE! THEIR BELIEF SUPPORTED BY THE EVIL SATANIC FORCES MAKES DAMN SURE, THAT SATAN DOES NOT LOSE THEIR ADMIRERS!
so what happened during my life? for fifty years I was a LITERAL SLAVE, FIRST to the family I grew up with; and then to the woman I married, who despite her TREACHEROUSNESS, DESPICABLE SATAN BEHAVIOR etc. MY PERSONAL GOD GAVE ME THE FREEDOM TO DUMP HER ALONG WITH EVERYTHING ELSE THAT NEEDED DUMPING,
to give me FREEDOM AT LAST – did I do that? of course not, Did others other than the MAJOR ACTOR, wife who was totally and UNEQUIVOCAL UNDER SATAN’S’ WING, do that?
NO – MY GOD/CHANNEL WHATEVER ANY ONE CALLS IT; DID IT!
as was predicted when I was five years old, I WAS TOLD THAT THE FIRST FIFTY YEARS OF MY LIFE WILL BE A TORTURE, AND THAT WAS RIGHT ON THE MARK, BECAUSE MY LIBERATION FROM TWO SATANIC FORCES, BOTH PROVED LATER WITHOUT QUESTION